On a darker note. . .

In Maine in the winter time the sun sets early. Earlier and earlier as December comes along, then we slowly regain the light. i am sad when a powerful metaphor loses it's potency and becomes a cliche. Dark and light - there is a powerful metaphor there.
To any nay-sayers just consider the season. The light wanes earlier and the cold comes on - and not just cold, but a bitter chill that bites at your skin and bones. If you live in the north, you know what i am saying. For those of you away i challenge you. Spend an hour in a room with no windows. Sit awhile with no source of light and no distractions and consider the dark. . . and the light.

i have considered the dark. i have been thinking about it a lot lately. i was a nay-sayer to seasonal depression, but i have seen the light, and the dark affect people - affect me. This is a darker entry. i have found myself in a bad way spiritually lately. i have found myself drawing to isolation, to the negative, to the dark. my thoughts recently always immediately gravitate so much to the dark that i have to openly argue with myself to draw away - back toward the positive, the light.
The analogy of the being wound tight resonates strongly with me. i feel such pressure internally. Problem is that where does it go?
How can it be used for the good? There is no place better than here. . . not that comes immediately to mind. i am ashamed that it must go anywhere with a negative force, but an alternative eludes me. So here is a list of things i hate:

i hate war, i hate fighting, apathy, greed, isolationism, prejudices, the destruction of nature, possession, possessiveness, over use, consumption, non-recyclable items, plastic, control, power, busyness, money, economics in general, fear, nationalism, elitism, laziness, most technology (i do however really like hot water heaters), intolerance, people being offended, offending people, the infrastructure that we have trapped ourselves in, rudeness, the government, the need for the government, all the stupid laws that we really don't need, lack of common sense, all the ways that we try to fool ourselves (like the dividers in the roadway that we paint green so that it will be pretty instead of just planting grass - which is the affect that we were gunnin' for anyway), all the false idols that we set up for ourselves, all of the rules, and laws and conveniences that we tell ourselves we need, believing that we need all of the rules, and laws, and conveniences that we have set up, the way people create a way of thinking and then turn off the idea that there may be another and possibly better way to do things, the way we water down words till they have no real meaning anymore, hate, the word hate, the idea of hate. . . .

What i do like is the guy who hauls the recycling bins who just out of genuine kindness finds a bag of returnable bottles and offers them to a person who looks like they are in need, instead of just hauling them off with the rest of the recycling, the bank lady who tolerates an "estimated three minute hold time" to go the extra mile to help a customer, a child who, in spite of the fact that his father just lost his marbles because the father is old and cranky and forgot how to be a child, forgives his father and snuggles with him anyway. . .